let me be your compass home
by lovecamedown
Summary: It's been two years since Wally's mom passed away. He's told everyone that he doesn't want to see anyone. No one. Except maybe one person.


Jesse has looked every where at STAR Labs, but Wally or Joe are nowhere to be found.

"Have you guys seen Wally today?" She asks Cisco and Caitlin.

"Joe said he wanted to stay at home," Cisco says, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Didn't say why, though."

"Is he alright?"

Just as Caitlin opens her mouth to answer, Jesse's phone rings in her back pocket, and as she glances at the caller ID she sees that it's Joe.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jesse, it's Joe, I—it's about Wally."

Jesse frowns. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's—well, no. Can you come over—?"

Joe barely has time to finish his sentence because Jesse's already hung up and she's running, leaving a rush of wind in her wake as she speeds towards Wally's house. She doesn't take the time to enjoy the way it feels to run, like she usually does; taking in the feel of the wind against her skin and the way things rush by her in a blur but also seem to move in slow motion. Right now, she's just focusing on getting to Wally.

Jesse is there and in the living room in under a minute. Joe looks surprised when she zooms in so suddenly, his phone still in his hand as though he was only just about to put it down, but he also looks relieved to see her.

"Is Wally okay?" Jesse asks, stepping towards Joe with a frown on her face.

Joe shrugs one shoulder and looks away for a moment, "well…," he sighs and rubs a hand over his mouth, then scratches the back of his head. Jesse doesn't want to rush him, but she kind of wishes he would find a way to say what he wants to say so that she can either stop worrying so much or start worrying even more.

"Today's kind of…a tough day for him. It's been two years since his mom passed away, so…,"

Jesse's heart drops in her chest and her eyes widen a little. She had no idea. "Oh my God, I—I didn't know…he didn't tell me…,"

"He doesn't talk about it much," Joe explains, "as you may have noticed."

"Yeah," Jesse chews her bottom lip, looking away from Joe, suddenly feeling a little guilty, like she should have known something was up; like she should have asked. "I guess I have noticed that he never talks about her."

"You know as much as anyone that when Wally's upset, he draws in to himself. Today is like that, but worse. He's asked everyone else to leave him alone today, which is why he's just…up there in his room on his own, not speaking or anything."

"Oh, Joe, I'm so sorry, that must be so hard for you to watch."

Joe shrugs. "It is. But I think he…does need to talk about it to someone. He at least needs to, you know, not…be alone."

Jesse nods. "Definitely."

"That's why I called you here," he says, "I was just wondering if he might let you up there to be with him. So he doesn't have to be alone."

"I, um—yeah," Jesse answers, because of _course_ she can go up there and be with him. She wants to.

But she's just…not sure how he'll react, or what she can possibly say to make this better.

Wally knows, deep down, that isolating himself on days like this is not the best idea. In the long run, it tends to just make him feel worse; after a while it's like he just gets convinced that he's completely alone. Even though he's _choosing_ to be alone, it somehow manifests in his head as though it's a fact.

But the idea of being surrounded by people today is just too overwhelming. He knows he has a job to protect the city and be with those he loves, but today, it's all just too much. It's all he can do to lean over and have a sip of his water every half hour.

So he lies flat-out on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He feels like he wants to cry – like he _needs_ to cry – but he's too exhausted, and somehow the tears just won't fall.

There's a knock on his door. It's tentative and gentle. Joe definitely doesn't knock like that.

Frowning, Wally turns his head a little towards the door. "Who is it?"

It opens just a crack, and then he can see half of Jesse's face peeking through the gap, looking at him tentatively and biting down on her bottom lip.

Wally feels his heart tug in his chest a little – he'll think about why that is later – and his expression softens. _Jesse_.

"Hey," he says quietly, wiping his eyes just in case a rogue tear has somehow fallen down without him noticing. He looks back up at the ceiling and then closes his eyes again.

"Hey," Jesse's voice is soft, and he can hear her step fully in to his room and then quietly close the door behind her. "Your dad, he…he said you didn't want to see anyone."

Wally opens one eye to look at her. One of her arms is crossed nervously over her torso, holding on to the opposite arm; and she looks hesitant, her shoulders raised just a little, like she's unsure and maybe even nervous.

"And he thought you'd be the exception?"

She shrugs one shoulder and then nods lightly.

Wally doesn't smile, but he does shuffle over on his bed and pat the space next to him once. "He was right."

Gratefully, Jesse smiles an oh-so-small smile and relaxes, settling down on the bed beside him. The sheets rustle under her as she shifts around, then lies down on her side next to him, looking his face all over. Wally turns his head to look at her, and she smiles softly; supportively. Then she reaches out and gently takes his hand in hers, looking him in the eyes as she does so. He squeezes her hand. She squeezes back.

"I'm here for you," she says, and her voice is almost a whisper. "Whatever you need. If you want to talk about it, or if you just want to be silent." She brings up their joined hands and kisses the back of his, smoothing her thumb over his skin. "Either way, you don't have to be alone."

This time, Wally's lips do twitch up in to the beginnings of a distant smile. He feels his heart swell with affection for her – this wonderful girl who came in to his life in the most unexpected of times, who he knows and trusts with his life – and he tugs gently on her hand.

"C'mere." He murmurs, releasing her fingers and instead reaching out with his arm, offering her the space under it.

She smiles and shuffles in even closer, resting her head on his shoulder and putting her arm over his stomach. Wally wraps his arm around her and holds her in close, leaving a kiss on the top of her head.

They lay in silence for a while. Wally closes his eyes again, nose still pressed in to Jesse's hair, and just basks in the silence, in the quiet closeness they're sharing.

His heart still feels heavy, and he still feels like he wants to cry, but he doesn't feel a gaping hole of loneliness that he can't get out of anymore. Instead, Jesse is here beside him, not asking anything of him; just holding on to him and letting him feel what he needs to feel; do what he needs to do.

He kisses her head again and she mumbles contentedly, snuggling in even closer.

"You're always going to be the exception," Wally finds himself saying – almost whispering – a few moments later.

Jesse shifts a little and lifts up her head so she can look at him. She frowns a little. "What?"

Wally reaches out with his spare hand and brushes some hair off her face. "You will always be the exception, Jesse Quick. Even when I don't want to be around anyone else or talk to anyone else, I will always want to be around you, and I'll always choose you."

Jesse smiles softly, and it makes Wally melt.

She reaches out and cups his cheek with her hand. "Ditto."

Wally smiles, properly this time, for the first time all day, and leans in to kiss her softly on the lips.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, still brushing the backs of her fingers down his face. "If you don't mind talking about it."

Wally sighs, letting his head fall back against the pillow. And, yeah, he kind of _does_ want to talk about it. So…he does.

"I just…," he starts, and instantly feels tears tighten his throat. For a moment, he'd almost forgotten why today is so sad and hard for him. But now, it all comes flooding back and this time, he knows that he's going to cry. Without a doubt.

Maybe that's for the best, though.

Eventually, he manages to continue. "I feel so _angry_ still. I miss her so much, and I—I never talk about it, or her, because when I do, I don't feel warm and fuzzy and nostalgic. I still—I still feel _angry_. I still don't understand, even two years later, why she had to be taken from me."

Jesse nods softly, and it's only when she reaches out to wipe away one of his tears that he realises he's already crying.

This realisation of his tears somehow makes him cry more.

There aren't really any other words for him to say. He can't really articulate this feeling, to be honest. Because it goes beyond anger. It's anger and desperation and just complete and utter _sadness_. Even after all this time.

"Most days," he says quietly, "I can deal with it. You know? Like I've made room for how much it hurts, and things feel easier. It's actually bearable. But then, today, I just…it's like it's happening all over again."

She nods again and kisses his forehead before resting her head on the pillow beside his. "I know," she whispers. "And it's okay to feel like that. I promise. It's okay."

Wally moves his hand up to hers where it sits against his stomach, and he laces their fingers together. He feels the tears begin to fall again, and then he's properly crying, his chest and shoulders shaking, tears falling down his cheeks.

And Jesse just holds him; just lets him feel, lets him cry, lets him shake. There's nothing she can say to make it better. Wally knows that, and she knows that, too. But he hopes she also knows that just being here is enough. That just her arms around him, breath against his neck, thumb brushing against his skin, is enough.

She is enough.

"You know," Jesse starts a little while later, once Wally's tear shave subsided a little bit, and she's lying with her hand softly smoothing over his hair. "I don't remember much about my mom. But I dream about her a lot. I know from photos what she looks like, and in my dreams…sometimes it's like it's really her talking to me."

Wally smiles softly. "What do you dream about her?"

"We go on adventures," Jesse says, and Wally can hear a smile in her voice. "We travel. We sit and talk. Sometimes, she's just there in the background, like she's always been there; just living with me. It's…nice. I feel like I'm living what could have been, if she hadn't died."

Wally kisses her forehead. "I dream of my mom, too," he says. "I don't know if it's possible for her to actually talk to me in my dreams, but…I like to think she is. It makes me feel less alone."

"I know what you mean," she kisses his shoulder and rests her head there. Her spare hand is absently playing with Wally's on his stomach, running her fingertips over his fingers and entwining them with hers every now and again. "After we first kissed," she says, "when I went back to Earth-Two. I dreamt of my mom, and I told her about us, and she said that she knew about you; that she liked you. And that she knew you were a good guy who would truly look after me."

Wally's heart _melts_ , and he knows that can't just say something mediocre as a response; doesn't want to.

What she's just said makes him want to cry again. Makes him want to gather her up in his arms and kiss her skin and tell her that he loves her. (Which he hasn't done yet. But maybe now is the time.…)

He releases his hold on her a little so he can turn on to his side and look right in to her eyes, reaching out with his spare hand to cup her cheek.

"That means so much to me," he says softly, feeling tears tighten the back of his throat again.

Jesse smiles softly, gazing in to his eyes, and reaches out to hold his face in return. "Me, too. I like to think that it really was her, somehow."

Wally's lips twitch in to a tiny smile and he feels his eyes get watery again. His mouth opens a little but then closes again as he tries to muster up the courage to say what he wants to say.

And when he does, his voice is so low and husky that it's almost a whisper. "I love you, Jesse."

Jesse's face lights up and her lips break in to a small smile. She shuffles in closer and leans in to press a kiss against his lips, long and soft and sweet. "I love you too, Wally," she whispers, her face so close to his that he can feel her breath on his lips.

He kisses her again.

And he knows he's not alone.

* * *

 **A/N:** _dsfdgfhgjkl i don't even know. i didn't know whether or not to include the first "i love you"s but i am wEAK for that trope so. i just. did._

 _This is probably awful, but I'm just so desperate to write for these kids so I did it anyway :'))) I hope you enjoyed! Comments are always much appreciated! :)  
_  
 _I'm notfornothingx on tumblr if you wanna drop by! I'm taking prompts for Quickwest in my ask at the moment :)_


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